No matter how perfect, how self-righteous one deems themselves to be, it usually correlates with the real amount of imperfections they have.
They lack, and they make up for it in other ways… In ways that some times hurt others.
I feel misguided, and some times build up a lot of anger when making sense of these thoughts or others’ actions that are clearly out of my control. Is it because I’m too empathetic, or clearly just sensitive? I’m not sure.
I used to want them to fail, to fall, to cry and feel pain for all the unnecessary, poisonous words they use to convey thoughts without actual thought. But now, I just hope that they will have the grace to see that there are other bigger things than using sarcasm or implications (to actually use sarcasm, I believe you’re already smart-er, somehow so please use your brains for better purposes) to make a no-point.
Now I want to let go of any negative feelings and keep it away from my headspace. Clearly, I’ve a lot of better things to process.
New day. And all that matters is honestly, just; now.
At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls.
4 months into the new year and embracing my new found career with a lot of drive and passion. It feels like everyday is new - although I have days where I don’t feel like doing anything.
I am a lazy person by nature and I think a lot about what I want to do, but most of the times, never get down to it. The apprenticeship was a leap of faith, definitely. It’s probably the most daring jump I’ve ever taken. I’m a little lost, I admit. But I’ll always revisit the moment that led me here - after all, I’ve never felt so certain, even though it is extremely trying for my pockets.
26 is the new 18. In so many ways and oddly as I progress with age, I feel like I am also progressing, in reverse with my youth. Learning doesn’t seem as much as a chore (ok I’m lying, it still is) now that I take all of it with more zest and rigour. Every time I face a new task that seems daunting, I try to remind myself of the improvements and mini milestones I’ve achieved everyday. It’s painful, but it helps.
These reminders are also realizations - every time money comes to tempt me in many ways, I also hope I stay true to my craft. I’ve embarked on this journey thinking I would take it off like a hat at some point, but realized I’ve hit a point of no return. Coming into menswear is like entering an abyss of information, a tunnel that keeps going. I only hope to continue the good work for the industry. Seeing how I can’t just view my contributions to my job and team from an isolated stand point, I want to be able to see the picture in full and understand it completely.
I am also extremely thankful for having someone like Nigel in my life. Although the circumstances surrounding our union might have seemed a little odd, and I also do have my crazy moments, I’m glad we’ve held it all together through all the times - be it annoying, or some times abstract, or some times just simply being our couch potato selves.
